Pathway Session on Boundaries a Big Success

On Wednesday, October 16, we hosted Amanda Craig, PhD, for a Pathway Session on setting healthy boundaries to promote recovery. Dr. Craig is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-approved clinical supervisor with a clinical focus on issues impacting our relationships.

To start off the meeting, Amanda set the stage by defining a boundary as a “property line” where we control only what is on our property. We are NOT responsible for other people’s actions. Boundaries are important because it prioritizes our own mental and emotional wellness, while holding others (ie, our loved ones) accountable for their choices.

The issues with boundaries cross generations, as families historically have not communicated well, encouraging codependency and enabling to avoid conflict. These lifetime patterns are what Amanda calls the “generational chalice” that moves from one generation to the next. Putting others first ahead of oneself, reacting vs. being proactive, isolating in secret, are all examples of old behaviors of families of origin that just don’t work.

During her presentation, Amanda defined a healthy boundary. It has a “why”, doesn’t compromise one’s values, and is communicated to others. She advised that a person starts with tighter boundaries and addresses violations early. While this might seem scary, it will be much easier over the long term. There is NO NEED to overexplain, apologize or give in. See below for example of a healthy boundary.


What is your boundary in a sentence or two?
I will not pick you up or answer your calls in the middle of the night.
What is your WHY?
I have to work and be focused and I can not afford to have performance issues.
What will get in your way of follow through?
Fear
What are two ways to fight against that?
Keep my ringer off at night.
In a calm, matter of fact way, let people know I do not take calls after 10.
NOTE: Let the fear know everyone benefits from this boundary.

For more on boundaries, scan Amanda’s slides (click here), view this YouTube video (click here), or read these two blogposts (click here).