It is September 1 st of 2018; Labor Day weekend was meant to be spent in Rhode Island amongst longtime friends. Sun-soaked days at the beach followed by cooler nights around a fire pit. That was not how the weekend unfolded. Instead, it was spent lying in a hospital bed with pancreatitis. I would go on to spend almost a week in the hospital detoxing from alcohol. Many things were going through my head at this point. Mainly how did my life take this turn? How did I go from someone who enjoyed drinks with friends on the weekend and maybe a few drinks during the week to someone who needed medical care to safely stop daily drinking? What drove me to this point?
I grew up in Bronxville, New York, a small town outside New York City. At an early age, my father was diagnosed with cancer. As a result, my entire family spent years in and out of the hospital. I was always an anxious child, but this had a profound effect on me. I recall as early as sixth grade having my first panic attack. This anxiety coupled with my father’s long fight with cancer left me very withdrawn and socially isolated. In middle school I experimented with drinking for the first time. I remember vividly that first day and the sense of relief I felt when the effects of the alcohol took hold. I figured out that drinking in the company of people was one of the only ways I could calm my anxieties. This continued into High School where I struggled with grades. I went to a school that helped people such as myself learn the all-important executive function skills that we all need to carry us into adulthood. For a time, the structured lifestyle I lived paid off and my anxieties were manageable.
As I transitioned into early adulthood I once again began to struggle. My father, who had been cured of his cancer was now slowly dying from the side effects of that lifesaving treatment. I once again turned to substances and socializing to help cope with this. My family rallied around my father and worked hard to give him the end that he deserved. After this, for many years my life was aimless. Never really wanting to move on from the lifestyle that I had relied upon during my younger years. This came to a head in my early 30’s when what was once an enjoyable outlet became a 24/7 job. In the months leading up to my hospitalization, I was drinking heavily daily. Something I had always done in the company of people was now something I did alone.
As I lay in this hospital bed with mostly unanswered questions and a whole lot of fear I was overcome with determination. I was going to live a life in recovery and help those who were fighting for the same thing. During my time in the hospital, I was given a choice go back to what I knew or enter treatment and begin an unknown future. After 28 days in treatment at Silver Hill Hospital, I returned to Bronxville and lived with family while getting on my feet. During this time, I became heavily involved in the 12-step
community. This is also when I began to explore different ways I could help people fighting for recovery. This is how I discovered the work of Recovery coaches. A woman by the name of Lisa Hope taught the Recovery Coach Academy, her passion for this work erased any self-doubt I had and strengthened my commitment to helping those in need. As I approached a year free of alcohol, I met Trey Laird at a community event. After speaking and connecting over our recovery journey he offered me a chance to interview for a position at The Lighthouse. Soon after meeting with him and Cini Shaw I started my work there.
Over the last 5 years I have watched the New Canaan recovery community grow and flourish and have been honored to be a part of it. It has been an amazing six plus years since that fateful day that changed the trajectory of my life. I am now in a master’s program to become a marriage and family therapist and am excited for what the future holds. Gone are the days of feeling directionless and alone.