Pathway Session with Frank Bartolomeo, PhD, a big success

On June 9, 2026, we hosted Frank Bartolomeo, PhD, for a Pathway Session on how the Family System can promote recovery. Frank is a well-known local psychotherapist and founder of the Well Center for Development n New Canaan.

Frank started off introducing the Family Systems Theory (Bowen), which conceptualizes the family as an interconnected emotional unit. In Frank’s view, families organize around anxiety, and anxiety can get transferred around when a loved one is affected by addiction. While family anxiety can be acute (related to specific events), it also can be chronic, for example when the perceived risk of a relapse is ever-present.

The chronic anxiety can come from the tendency, for instance, of a parent to be constanly monitoring, trying to control, to prevent something bad from happenning to a loved one. There is the risk of a downward cycle, as family members: 1) avoid conflict by not talking to one another; 2) engage in hypervigilance to protect; and 3) numb themselves and isolate.

Frank listed roles that family members find themselves in: including the private investigator, the rescuer, the adversary, the cheerleader, and the crisis manager. In many cases, the two parents assume opposing roles and the family becomes polarized. For instance, one parent is the adversary and one parent is the rescuer. This overfunctioning role-playing can lead to critical comments, hostility, emotional involvement, and resentment. The result is the loved one feels less need to function independently and the risk of relapse increases.

The good news is that there is a path to family harmony that will promote recovery. To begin with, the parent will typically need to back off on being the caretaker and controller, while still connecting. By caring without overfunctioning, the parent is signaling to the child that “yes, you can handle it. I love you.”

Shaming stops, and accountability begins. The parent stops monitoring their loved one’s every move, and sets boundaries for themselves. Rescuing is replaced with support that includes limits.

The bottom line is that every family member, including siblings, can control their OWN behavior. As each person takes responsibility for their own functioning, the “grieving” can take place. This grief is the acceptance and processing by all family members that the family has experienced a loss as addiction entered the system. The family will never be the same again.

It was clear from Frank’s presentation, which including a good Q&A session, that roles are not identities. People can step out of roles they assumed would help, and become a better role model by embracing self-care. The calm parent who connects is way more powerful of an influence than the parent who is in a chronic state of anxiety.

One question from the Q&A: What can I do to get started on my own self-care? One tip that Frank gave was to place limits on mobile phone use. (“Stay away from the phone for 30 minutes.”). Another was to do a brief exercise to slow the rate of our breathing.

Frank is an amazing practitioner and speaker, and he did not disappoint during his fourth time as a Pathway Session presenter. To contact Frank, you can reach him at: Frank@thewellcenterfordevelopment.com or (203) 818-7077.

To view the replay of the session, just CLICK HERE. To view Frank’s slide deck that he used, CLICK HERE.

NOTE: To learn more about Bowen’s Family Systems Theory, Frank recommends the book Extraordinary Relationships by Roberta Gilbert. CLICK HERE.