Blake Porter: Regaining the Trust of Friends & Family in Recovery

I was born and raised in a small town called Adams in upstate New York. Adams is located
about an hour south of Canada so it’s the REAL upstate New York and I am proud of it! I have
two amazing parents and an older sister. I began drinking around 11 or 12 years old and drank
alcoholically right away. My parents also got a divorce right around the same time but that is not
why I am an alcoholic. I remember what alcohol did for me even at that young of an age. It took
away any insecurities, self-consciousness, discomfort, fear and the feeling of not being part of
something or anybody.

I had no real reason to feel these things. I was loved, had good friends and was a good athlete.
However, when I drank, it made me feel like I could breathe, and it made me feel normal. One
night, I stole my sister’s car while drunk at 13 and drove around my town with my friends. I
brought the car back without a scratch and without getting caught. This taught me the rush of
behaving badly and getting away with it. There was also a time I almost got kicked off my 8th
grade basketball team for being seen at a high school party. So, I faced some consequences
but was always great at getting people off my back after an incident. This was a theme for most
of my life until the day I finally surrendered.

I had a normal high school experience for the most part. I partied with friends, played sports and
had girlfriends. For me it was only alcohol that I was using until I turned 16. I thought that weed
and other drugs were for the “bad kids”. That was until one of my best friends started smoking
pot and I looked up to him, so I gave it a try. I fell in love with marijuana the first moment I got
high and instantly became a hippie. I would ditch class to go smoke and listen to Led Zeppelin,
Bob Dylan, Neil Young and The Who. I grew my hair long and started wearing tie dye and
leaned in hard to an athlete AND stoner identity. My teachers and family noticed this shift but
had no idea how to help or intervene.

Within three months of starting to use weed, I was doing cocaine, mushrooms, and prescription
pills. I also continued to drink heavily. This led to having no aspirations after high school. I
basically threw a dart at a map and chose a college in Lake Placid to go to. My drug use and
attempt to escape my reality grew even deeper and more excessive. I discovered morphine in
college, and this began my love affair with opiates.

The next ten years were basically a blackout. From ages 19-29 i experienced deaths of close
friends, dropping out of schools, losing jobs, losing trust of loved ones, a divorce with my high
school sweetheart, arrests for drug possession and DWI, lying and false hopes. My opiate habit
led to thousands and thousands of dollars of theft. I lost any resemblance of myself that I had
left. I lived only to use and to keep up an appearance that I would one day figure it out so my
family would continue to support me financially and emotionally. I had zero idea how to ask for
help or that I COULD ask for my help. Everyone in my life would have dropped everything to
help me at any moment but I was so deep in my lies and my addiction I didn’t know it was an
option. This way of life was the only one I knew and I was comfortable in chaos.

On September 6th, 2018, my dad approached me and told me he was going to take me to my
therapy appointment that day. I had just started seeing a therapist in Rochester, NY at my dad
and stepmom’s request. (They could not figure out what was wrong with me!) When my dad
parked the car outside the therapist’s office, he asked me what was going on with me. I said
what do you mean? He said “I checked my account, and you have stolen over $50,000.00 from
me, you stole from your mother and your grandpa, AND I found this (he was holding a needle in
his hand). I looked at him and was dope sick enough that for the first time in my life I was honest
with someone about who I truly was. I told him that I was a heroin addict and had been a drug
addict and alcoholic for a long time. This led to a moment I’ll never forget. We googled “detox”
together and found a place in Rochester NY that accepted my Medicaid insurance.
I wish my recovery journey started there. However, I only lasted one day in that detox before I
fled with a random guy who said he could get “China White” heroin. I went on a 4-day run and
stayed at a hotel in Rochester after just telling my family I was a heroin addict for the first time.
They had no idea where I was, and they were terrified. They all banded together–my mom, dad,
stepmom, sister, brother-in-law and my ex-wife talked and came up with a plan. Finally, I called
my dad on September 10th when I was out of drugs and money to tell him where I was. He said,
“I will be there in the morning to pick you up.”

He drove me to Wernersville, PA, to an inpatient treatment program. This time, I stayed. I was in
detox for 6 days to begin my journey to be physically free of the 6-year opiate addiction. I then
was brought over to the unit where I met other people who were there for the same reason as
me. I began to feel comfortable being honest about who I was because they were saying things
I identified with and felt my whole life. I was introduced to the 12 Steps, real therapy, group
therapy and truly authentic people. I learned about rigorous honesty and showing up on time
and doing what I said I was going to do. After I left Caron, I moved into a transitional living
program in Westchester County. I got a sponsor, a therapist, went to two 12-Step meetings a
day and met some of the most incredible people I am still best friends with.
The things that have taken place in my life over the last 6+ years because of surrendering to
this disease are truly remarkable. I have regained the trust of my family and friends. I have
gained incredible new relationships and am reliable. I have run marathons and will be traveling
to run the London Marathon April 28 th . I now work for the program that helped save my life
(Release Recovery). I live in Manhattan and have an incredible life. I am writing this from an
airplane in Turks and Caicos. I spent 7 days here with my family, including my nieces who I get
to be an uncle to. The peace I have today and the comfort I have in my own skin are two of the
best gifts of my sobriety. I work very hard to be of service to other people and not be self-
centered and self-obsessed. There were so many people who helped me get to where I am
today, I have a duty to help the next person who is affected by this disease. I am grateful for
where I am, where I have been and where I am going.