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Why our tagline “Families Empower Recovery” matters
Starting with our 7th Annual Vigil, NCPSG adopted a tagline very relevant to our group: “Families Empower Recovery”. From personal experience with my son Evan, I understood that the entire family system is impacted when a loved on is struggling with addiction. Not only was it a matter of the father and mother being impacted, but Evan’s three siblings as well. Andrea, Karl and Peter couldn’t help but feel neglected, as my wife and I focused our energy on Evan and his disease.
Every week in our support meetings, I hear stories of parents trying to come to grips with “balanced” parenting. Our parents know that consequences are key to a loved one’s recovery, yet it is so tempting when one loves a child to try to “fix it”. This can easily become enabling, especially if they believe that a genetic predisposition and/or bad parenting in the past was the cause of their child’s disease. This is exacerbated by the fact that loved ones struggling with addiction are master manipulators. They know exactly the strings to pull, and how to divide the parents and their siblings.
Given the mental, physical and financial stress of living with addiction, it is key for parents to work on their own recovery journeys. This “parallel process” (which is the name of a book by Krissy Pozatek) allows for modeling of the behaviors that will help the loved one. During this recovery process, parents and the other children can: 1) use self-care strategies to heal (self-care isn’t selfish); 2) educate themselves about addiction as a family disease; 3) learn how to apply healthy boundaries; and 4) give unconditional love to the addicted loved one, but not get enmeshed or try to rescue.
In the book Parallel Process, Krissy Pozatek suggests the following for parents: learn reflective listening; apply mirroring/validating in all conversations; let the child problem-solve but encourage them, and keep the door open (“I will always support your recovery”). These strategies require practice and reinforcement. This is why at NCPSG, we encourage education and support in all means possible, not just our weekly parent support meetings or monthly Pathway Sessions. Other places to turn for support and education include: 1) the family education programs of the treatment centers; 2) a therapist for family members; 3) family support groups hosted by Al-Anon, NAMI, Partnership to End Addiction, Turnbridge, and the Herren Project; 4) Learning about CRAFT and Invitation to Change by clicking here and here.
The bottom line is that recovery isn’t just about the individual getting sober – it’s about healing the entire family system, helping everyone develop healthier communication patterns, boundaries, and coping strategies. What we provide at NCPSG, and what I always will regret not doing enough of, is a safe place where parents realize they are not alone. Every year at our annual Vigil, you will see banners with the phrase “Families Empower Recovery”. These are carefully chosen words, because the empirical evidence is behind them – that there is a tight correlation between the recovery process of parents and other family members, and the ultimate recovery success of the loved one.
#familiesempowerrecovery #helpingeachotherheal #thepowerofstory
